


Forever is a Long Time

by Wolfstar4evr



Series: Supernatural Oneshots [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Concerned Everyone, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Sam, Suicidal Sam, Temporary Character Death, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 12:55:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5128418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfstar4evr/pseuds/Wolfstar4evr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day while Dean and Bobby are out getting groceries, or fixing cars or whatever else, Sam realises the only thing he can do to help solve the Lucifer problem is to kill himself. To his surprise, he finds himself in heaven (sort of), and no one is pleased to see him, especially his family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever is a Long Time

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is terrible; it's half three in the morning here and I just needed to write this down. I've been listening to songs that have been in Supernatural for the past hour and I've just been typing and typing and I'm way too tired to proof-read and I'm pretty sure there are a ton of mistakes and I'm also pretty sure it doesn't really make sense but we shall see. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The Winchester family have never been good at following the rules, and neither have their friends. Which is how they all end up together, drinking beers in Ash's heaven (the Roudhouse), and telling stories from when they were alive and what they think their living friends are doing. It's peaceful, and it's good. Mary and John have been reunited. Ellen and Jo have been reunited with their father/husband. Ash is happy as can be, knowing that he's screwing with the God Squad's rules and because of the sygils he put up there's not a thing they can do about it. Pamela likes flirting with the single gentlemen who Ash invites in. The Roudhouse is still a place for all hunters, except this time they're not running from anything, just enjoying drinks like normal people and not having to worry about death for once.

Also, there's an angel that stops by a few times. His name is Castiel, but he doesn't mind being called Cas. He met Jo and Ellen when they were alive, and whenever he arrives (which isn't as often as the Winchester parents would like) the first thing he hears is always: 'How're Sam and Dean?" That's why he stops by, after all. To tell them how Team Free Will are doing. Everyone can tell there are parts he misses, not wanting to divulge the information until he's given permission to by the people it's about, but they all know he will never be given such permission, unless he wants the brothers to know that he visits their dead friends. Cas is there today, except he's completely silent. John and Mary are crowding him worriedly. He arrived a few hours before, however the moment he did he ignored requests about Sam and Dean made straight for the bar, where Ash immediately handed him a beer. He downed the pint in one, and has been sitting silently ever since, a worried expression on his face. But despite the worried air, it's still peaceful. It's still good. 

However that peace, so carefully created and maintained, is interrupted by a new arrival. But it's not just the new soul's way of arrival - everyone else got a peaceful landing in whatever heaven it was they landed in. This guy has just crashed through the door of the Roudhouse and landed on his knees, gasping for breath and causing everything to go completely and utterly silent and still - that takes everyone's breath away from them; it's the fact that this new arrival is _Sam Winchester_.

Not everyone recognises him, and those who do feel their hearts clench as the boy (because he is a boy, not a man. Beneath that exterior he is scared and will always be in need of the parental advice and guidance he only ever got in joking manner from his older brother as a child when his brother was only a child himself) cries out lowly in pain. Blood drips from his arms into the floor, and he is shaking hard, head bowed towards the pooling blood. This is wrong. This is so _so_ wrong. He shouldn't bleed in heaven. He shouldn't be in pain in heaven. No one has moved.

John breaks the silence. "Sam," He whispers, urgent and afraid as he strides towards his youngest. Mary follows him, staring at her child in wonder because she has never seen Sam. The only image she has of him is a six month old who has whisps of light brown hair and the most beautiful hazle eyes. And yet here is a giant of a boy who easily towers over his father as John grabs him by the arm and helps him stand; -grunting as he takes his son's weight - has long, thick, dark brown hair and the haunted, pain filled look only a hunter can get clouding his hazel eyes as he stares past her. Blood still drips form his arms.

Then Castiel is there, looking completely horrified as he takes Sam's other side and helps John take him to a chair that Ellen pulls up. The moment Sam is sat down his head falls backwards, and he groans, clenching his eyes shut. "What's happening to him?" Jo asks, handing John a glass of water.

"He's dead," Castiel replies, and Jo knows the angel well enough not to answer. He'll explain soon.

John tries to get Sam to drink, cradling his head in one hand and holding the glass in the other. However after only a few sips the boy begins to choke, so he stops, handing the glass to some unknown hunter before he finds himself being pushed away by Cas, who suddenly has Sam by their hair and is making him open his eyes to look at the angel, Holy Tax Accountant get up and all. "What have you done?" Castiel hisses, anger in every syllable. 

"Huntin'," Sam replies weakly, head lolling forward this time, chin crashing against his chest with a thud. Cas pulls his head back the hair again. Mary cringes. "Huntin' mons'er."

"What are you talking about?" Castiel questions, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head in typical 'Cas' fashion. "You gave up hunting."

The boy shakes his head, and for a moment the bleeding slows, allowing him to look up tiredly to everyone crowded around him. Steve Bose runs a hand down his face in a frustrated gesture. He knows Sam started the apocalypse (his death wasn't exactly slow. Demons seem to talk more than they kill. He heard enough before his reaper arrived). He knows about the demon blood. He only hopes his friends didn't do this. Finally, Sam hacks out a cough before speaking. "No, no," He slurrs, and it's as they see the blood staining his teeth do they see the wound in his abdomen. He's been stabbed. "Me. Huntin' me. Reg n' T'm knew. Knew I was mons'er. Steve dead, cause of me. Need'd to finish job. Dean wouldn'."

Almost everyone turns to Steve, who doesn't know what to do. He simply shakes his head. In all honesty, he does sort of blame Sam for his death. Maybe if the kid had just come along then they would have defeated the sons of bitches and he wouldn't be dead. But the kid didn't know it would happen. He didn't know any of 'em would die and it's not liked he stabbed Steve himself. So yeah, Sam started the apocalypse, but considering the state he's in now, he clearly feels guilt for it. He knows what he's done, and he's paying for it.

"Can' sleep," Sam mumbles, almost incoherently. "Lucifer's vess'l. Got Jo n' Ell'n killed. Gonna get D'n killed too. An' Bobby."

"You stupid boy," Ellen mutters, grabbing onto Sam's chin. He squints at her. "'Course you didn't get us killed. We went in there knowing we might not get out. None of that is you fault."

"Killed mom," Sam sobs in reply, and she lets go of him only to run the same hand over his cheek, wiping the tears a streak of blood away. "N' dad. My faul'. Should be in hell. Killed m'self cause then Luci'er don' get his vessel. No one h's to die. World w'ld be safe. Safe withou' me. Safe with D'n."

John and Mary flinch violently at this, and as they reach toward their son to hold onto him and tell him he's wrong, he's so _so_ wrong and they don't want him thinking like that, Sam flickers. His entire form dissapears for less than a second, but no one misses it. Everyone takes a step back from the chair. "What the Hell was that?" Someone in the crowd asks. Only Cas stays next to Sam, keeping his head supported.

"I suspect it's Lucifer," The angel supplies, running a light hand over Sam's wounds. "He would never allow his vessel to die. He's probably hearing him, but I expect Sam already knew this and has warded wherever it is he has done it, so Lucifer wouldn't be able get to him, or at least give him some trouble. It's seems my brother has broken through. I also suspect that he's bleeding like this because he is half here, half there. Lucifer will have put insurances in place to make sure Sam never truly dies, as once a soul is completely in heaven it cannot be returned unless the physical body is touched by the hand ressurecting the soul, and I have warded both Sam and Dean against being found physically by any angel, even those they are the vessels for."

No one, except for a select few, know what the Hell he's going on about vessels. It wasn't something anyone thought appropriate to tell John and Mary, how their entire marriage was created by angels to create these two children who are destined for two archangels who will destroy the Earth, so it was never discussed. Those who do know sigh sadly. For many it's another reminder of why and or how they died. For more it's what they died for, even if they are unaware. Sam flickers again. Mary steps forward.

"Listen to me," She stays sternly, smiling slightly as her son (her adult, grown-up, _tall_ son, whom she hasn't seen since he was only six months old, _six months_ ) grunts in response and works to keep his eyes open. "I am so, so proud of you Sammy. I _know_ you'll be able to fight this, whatever it is you're fighting. Cas won't tell us everything, no one will, but I want you to know that I believe in you, you and Dean. We all do. Save the world for us, Sam. We know you can do it." She lets go of him then, with a hand pushing his hair back and a kiss to his forehead which he flickers through, and then she steps back, allowing her husband to take her place.

John kneels slightly, not minding as Sam's blood saturates his jeans. It's not an unfamiliar sensation, kneeling in blood, but he never thought (always hoped against) that blood would belong to one of his sons. "I'm so sorry for what I've done to you," He mumbles awkwardly, willing himself to keep looking at his youngest's face. Sam deserves that much, more than that, probably, but they are on borrowed time already and this is all he can give at the moment. "...for what I did. But I _am_ proud. I was proud when you went to Stanford, and I am equally, if not more proud of you now. You did not kill us, Sam. Please remember that. None of this was your fault. Everything's going to be fine. You're going to be fine." He hugs Sam to his chest then, blood still on his knees and tears streaking his face as he clings to his son. His son, who he was so sure he had failed. His son, who has grown stronger than he ever dreamed. He knows there are parts - huge parts - he doesn't know that he would probably be extremely angry about, but he can't dwell on that now. Sam has fought through so much. He has just tried to kill himself for the greater good of the world, and John can only cling to him in these last moments before Sam has to return to the world and people and monsters and demons and angels that have fucked him over so many times. It doesn't seem fair.

Sam flickers longer than before. John takes his son's head in both of his hands and kneels down again. "Sam," He says sternly, and he doesn't know how but he knows the next time Sam flickers that will be it. Sam will be gone. "I love you, we all do, but I don't think any of us want to see you here again, not for a long time."

The others nod and hum in agreement, and Sam manages a weak and tired smile before he flickers again, this time disappearing completely with a whisp of white-blue smoke.

And so they're alone. Most of them crying. Ash is still behind the bar, mouth agape. Mary stares down at the floor. John is still kneeling in a pool of his own son's blood. Castiel moves first, not second, this time, and turns to the TV. He snaps his fingers and it turns on, the picture fuzzy at first but then it focuses and they see it's Bobby's upstairs bathroom. Sam is huddled in the space between the sink and the bath, and blood practically covers the entire floor. Dean and Bobby are kneeling in it instead of John, groceries and or other essentials meant for the youngest Winchester lost and forgotten in the doorway as Dean cries over his brother's body, hugging him close, while Bobby tries to pry the boy off the corpse, telling him there's nothing they can do; he's gone. Sam's gone. Towels are pressed into Sam's wrists and abdomen, but they've clearly done nothing to stop the blood. Mary's breaths begin to shake as she watches her boys in so much pain, and she finds herself eternally indebted to Bobby Singer for looking after them. She wants to punch John again (it was the first thing she did on his arrival).

"Thought you said he'd be healed," Ash mumbles to the resident angel, however Cas is saved from answering as Sam takes in a great shuddering breath and Dean and Bobby jump back in surprise.

"Sam!" Dean's hands are on his brother's shoulders immediately, pulling his brother into a bone crushing hug that leaves Sam breathless and with tears in his eyes as he clings equally hard to his older brother. "Don't you ever do that to me again, you hear? Jesus Christ, Sammy. Don't you _ever_ check out on me like that again."

"Dean," Sam can only mumble in reply. It's enough for Dean; he tightens his hold.

"Idjits," Bobby mumbles, running a tired and shaking hand over his face. Coming home to find that Sam had slashed his wrists and stabbed himself was probably one of the worst moments of his life. Sam was his son, and he never wants to see his sons hurt like that again. He leans back against the bath, watching the scene with a very small smile.

Everyone at the Roadhouse almost doubles over. In pain or relief, they don't know, and when they blink the TV is off, and the angel is gone. But that doesn't matter; Sam and Dean are safe, for now at least, and they have Bobby and a wayward angel protecting them. They'll be just fine. They'll make it through, and if not, well, they'll just have two new regulars at the Roadhouse, but they hope that doesn't happen.

(Sam remembers every second of his time in heaven. He lied when Dean asked him about it - if he remembered a trip upstairs or down - but he knows Cas saw straight through him, and sometimes, when he's doubting himself and whatever plan it is they're trying to concoct, all Cas has to do is lean over and whisper 'Remember your mother's words', and Sam begins to work harder, taking everything in and hoping and hoping and hoping...

But when the time comes he knows he will have to go to Hell. He knows what has to be done to put Lucifer back in the cage, because he remembers his father's words too. He said they didn't want to see him for a long time and, well, forever  _is_ a long time.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
